"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love." -Washington Irving
I came up with the name Remember Life the first time I was 5150'd. I remember sitting there at this bench/table thing and they had a shelf next to it with “grown up activities” like it was a daycare, but for crazy people. Anywho, I’m sitting there and I’m offered a coloring book and at first I thought it was dumb as fuck. As I’m coloring these pages though, something stood out to me big time. I notice that as I’m coloring, the pages are transitioning from this black and white and dismal looking picture, to this thing with bright colors in it and I literally noticed how I felt when I looked at the page with no color on it versus how I felt looking at it when it had color on it. In that very moment, I realized the pictures I was coloring was a reflection of my life. The pictures start off with a lot of darkness to them, but as I colored them, I was reminded that at some points in my life, I have seen color. At some points in my life I have laughed and I had been happy before. While I sat there coloring in this psychiatric hospital, at one of my lowest points, I was reminded to Remember Life, to remember that the dark days I was sitting in, it was only a temporary thing, even though it felt larger than life. I reminded myself to always hold on to the good things I have experienced, because in the end, and I truly believe this, the light will always beat out the darkness.
Hello, my name is Nova West, and I am a United States Marine veteran born and raised in The City of Champions, East Saint Louis, Illinois. (You should google it.) When I was in the Marines, I worked as an electrician on helicopters. ( Hueys and Cobras, you should google them too...off the chain)
I have also had the pleasure of working on wind turbines (wind mills). The last job I had, I worked as an electrician on fixed winged military fighter jets. Now I know all that shit sounds fancy but let me tell you, my entire life I have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and to put the cherry on top, I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2012.
I bullshit you not, every single day for the past, oh I’d say, 8 years, I have literally cried every, SINGLE, day.
Just DROWNING. Suffocating in pain and feeling helpless, hopeless and lost as fuck feeling like this LIFELONG storm would never end. I can remember being a child and begging God to let me go home with Him. Not to mention I’m a divorced single parent with no support system. From childhood to adulthood trauma, I was beyond ready to end it all. I was ready to take my own life even though I have children because I had gotten so low that I felt like I was not good enough for them anymore.
I had become so ashamed of the things I was experiencing and feeling that I had become withdrawn from the world. Whenever people would call me or message me and ask how I was doing, I simply wouldn’t reply because I didn’t want to lie, and at the same time, I was too ashamed to tell the truth.
I was afraid to tell people how much pain I was in. I was ashamed to tell people I was having nightmares. I was ashamed to tell people I was losing control of my mind and how I couldn’t think straight to save my life.
I was ashamed to tell people how much trouble I was in.
I was afraid to tell my truth.
Over these past 7 or 8 years or so, I’ve been on what I like to call, My Journey. Like, my spirit has been on a mission to figure out what the purpose of all this pain is. I’ve been on this journey to attempt to come to an understanding of the purpose of life and pain.
And yo, I think I figured it out…
Also, while trying to claw my way out of this darkness, I figured out the thing that’s been hurting me the most. It’s because I’ve never told these stories to anyone. I’ve kept these painful things inside of me and they have been KILLING ME. Amongst other things, I figured out that I gotta be brave and get it off my chest. I had to stop letting this
SHAME kill me.
Even when you feel like it's unbearable pain, there is purpose to be found.
Check out my Blog to see what I mean and
if you can relate to anything I’ve said or any of my stories, feel free to reach out or hell, say hi if you just need to talk.